Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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