Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
