I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
