Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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