I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
