Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
