Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
