I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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