I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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