What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
