i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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