it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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