I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
