It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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