you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
