The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
