I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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