I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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