My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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