Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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