in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
