Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
