dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
