Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
