If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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