Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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