My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
