i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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