shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
