You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
