Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
