My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
