Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
