i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
