I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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