you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
