just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
