Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
