i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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