pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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