Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
