I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
