I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
