true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
