normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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