Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
