dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
