At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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