Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
