Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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