The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
