I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
