dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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