I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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