Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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