I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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