i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
