Someone shit on the floor
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
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