Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
