Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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