Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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