She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
