My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize