and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard we made out
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
