Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
