I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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