It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
