I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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