3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
