Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
