i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
