Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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