I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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