I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
