i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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