4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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