Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
