I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves