dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.