saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I licked your asshole in confidence.