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• (631): View more from New York

  there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.

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• (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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• (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?

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• (280): View more from

  So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (718): View more from New York

  I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"

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• (213): View more from California

  If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.

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