i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
