she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
