I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
