The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
