So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
