That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
