If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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