I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
