my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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