He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
